Ive just ordered takeaway mash potato to be delivered to my hotel.
Yes. I am that girl.
I also don’t look like the below photo without the help of good lighting, make up, filters and fat pants. Saucy.
My name is Alex, AKA Melons, the nickname I have been so uncomfortably and perfectly blessed with.
I’m a blonde, realist from Surrey in England; land of cups of tea, english stereotypes, crisp sandwiches and a cheeky Nandos. I have a degree in History, and a Masters degree in Public History, though they should really be degrees in the ability to ‘wing it’. Ive been a hairdresser, a receptionist, a waitress, a supermarket stacker and a babysitter to name but a few. I have numerous tattoos, numerous piercings, numerous sarcastic comments. I’m obsessed with Ebay, Instagram, coffee, peanut butter, cooking shows, people watching and red wine. I have incredible friends, a beautiful family and an awesome life, which has been greatly added to by my current situation of travelling the world solo with ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ gravitas. I love dogs, they flock to me in a Dog Whispery manner, though none can replace my dogs at home who are better than all human beings. I shame those with bad chat up lines/hair- one in the same, bad personalities, bad conversations and bad shoes. I have resting bitch face; a serious and real condition that causes many a confrontation but the presence and excuse of which also saves me from having to pretend to be interested in the middle of conversations. I can be lazy, energetic, dramatic, positive, negative, ruthless, exaggeratory, immensely indecisive, ridiculous, realistic, consistently full to the brim dreaming and eternally late for everything.
This is where the constant dreaming has brought me, to a place of deadlines and pressure to be hilarious when most of my jokes sprout from 3 bottles of red wine and an inability to adhere social correctness, volume levels and control the word ‘fuck’ after every other word.
This blog isn’t about travel, with reviews of everywhere I’ve been (though I will brag/occasionally moan about them). This is a place to record my thoughts, my experiences, and my general and corrupt outlook on life. I want to be real about things. To tell you how hard solo travel can be, how hard life can be, how hard being a woman can be, how hard finding the perfect brownie can be. I also want to tell you, my imaginary and delectable fanbase, how happy this life makes me. To tell you about the extraordinary people I know and love, and those I’m yet to meet. To explain, to criticise, to make you laugh, to be incredibly sarcastic about everything, and to make my little slice of life something I am eternally proud of.
So this is me…
I do midnight mash dash’s and admit to them publicly without shame.
Who doesn’t want to be involved in that?
So come on, lighten the fuck up and get drunk on life with me.
Or wait there whilst I just get drunk.