Melons Facts

So I started this post off thinking it was going to be a letter to the man who broke my heart. But a recurrent theme in both my life and also this blog are my exasperated matters of the heart and so therefore are my escapades into the bottoms of bottles of wine. So. What […]

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Julie Andrews Floating Down The River Gin

The majority of my friends, I couldn’t tell you where they came from. They were just there one day. I don’t remember the first words we said to each other, just one day they were attached to me for the rest of their lives, imprinted on my heart and trapped in my phone; those poor, […]

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Not for Parental Consumption. An Ode to the Sexes; Women Are from Venus and Men Are from F**k Knows Where

Warning: if you are related to me, I suggest you skip this post.  A connoisseur of matters of the heart, you’ll no doubt notice my recurrent theme of the flailings and also the failings of men. The feminist within me wants to discuss more important issues, but here we are yet again; you have to […]

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Babe, You Smell Like Biscuits

My money and also my moods, definitely hang Carrie Bradshaw-esq in my wardrobe and are literally nowhere else to be seen. My eBay account is in full, exuberant and constant use, that has transferred solidly to Australian orders, and I could build a sufficient yet colourful fort with the amount of shoes I have. I […]

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Desert Island Discs

Lately, I have been listening to ‘Desert Island Discs’ which is a joyful instance for each 30 minutes, (one I thoroughly recommend) and I’ve been thinking about the book I am writing, feeling quietly optimistic that one day in the not too distant future, Kirsty will be interviewing me, and it will be so funny, […]

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A Shout Out to My Ex*

*Exes. Following a break up, I once posted an ex an extra-large bag of peanut M&M’s. I picked these up on the way out of the airport following a holiday we were suppose to go on together, which I went on with my best friend as I had been unceremoniously dumped prior to it: This I thought […]

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An Overactive Imagination, an Overdraft and Ovaries

Does anyone have a crystal ball I can borrow? An official and certified future teller extraordinaire, such as Derick Acorah, Cilla Black or Jesus in a glassy ball? One of the Mystic Meg variety that is going to tell me exactly what is going to happen in the future, on a daily if not hourly basis? […]

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Pig Ribs

I have this part of my body that is only akin to a roast dinner with pork belly. Its all skin and podge, and it sits neatly under my bra and above my little round untoned belly; like awning for a patio. I can grab it in a crab claw hand and shake it with humour, […]

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The Socially, Physically and Compulsively Awkward Butterfly

Let me first apologise for my lateness. As in life where I am perpetually a minimum of 15 minutes late for absolutely everything, thus my writing has become a part of that same lazy force. Lateness doesn’t bother me in my daily home life, although it probably bothers my friends, family and employers (sorry guys) […]

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